Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
