There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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