I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
