Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
