Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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