U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I smell stomach acid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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