no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
