i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
