Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
