my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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