I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
