im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i drank out of a bidet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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