If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
