Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I just put wine in my tea
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
