then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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