I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
