what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
