You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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