And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
