dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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