had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
