clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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