So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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