Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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