im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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