when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
