Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
