nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
