bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
