I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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