She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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