the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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