And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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