hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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