You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
