How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
