I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
