just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
