there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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