Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
