I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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