I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
