So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
