it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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