Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
