Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
