Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
