worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
