omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
