you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
