Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
